ΛCDM

4am

Author: Zavair

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It's 2:30am....

Edit: 3:48am

Edit: It's 4am.... I can't sleep. I'm utterly spentttt & exhausted beyond comprehension.... yet I can't sleep. I'll be seeing you later today. Pretty sure, that's precisely why I can't sleep. There's a storm wreaking havoc up in my head somewhere. I wanted to say/write a lot in this letter but as I sit here muttering to myself, I don't know where or how to start. All I want to do, is simply use this letter as a way to explain WHYY I'm always harping on half-baked theories and individual take-aways from papers on time and universe and stars and our place in it etc etc... I'm afraid. Quite literally. Because I really do wish I didn't have to explain it to you. But I know I have to. So... bear with me as I use another obscure concept from theoretical physics as a crutch of sorts to lean into and hopefully segue into the crux of the matter. Remember a crude diagram I drew a while ago in one of the letters...

Yep, that one. Right, let me add/edit it a bit.

That essentially... is a very descriptive depiction of time itself. A generally agreed model too, mind you. The very concept of time from its inception... from the very beginning... up until this very moment and the one after it and so on. A linear chronology of events. Let's pin it for later.

I remember reading about an article a while ago by an astrophysicist named Thomas Gold…. titled — “The Arrow of Time”. Nothing to write home about per se. It was just an article delving into both…. the scientific+philosophical implications of the concept of time itself. It pondered on questions like… why time moves forward in its unidirectional and linear flow, … and why is it that we perceive time as something that can only move forward. It was mildly provocative… but more so speculative. And although a degree of it’s hypothesis was grounded in some real cosmological models… it largely maintained its reputation as scientifically controversial. I didn’t pay much attention to it. It was just a random ‘article about anther article’. It served its purpose at the time… somewhat feeding my curiosity and so I moved on. But lately…. ever since I met you, precisely… I can’t help but revisit it over and over again. It’s become such a fanciful…. and tbh depressing trip fuelled by wild imagination and an even wilder liberty about its scientific accuracy. See, the current understanding of the universe’s expansion comes from the sound science of ‘General Relativity’… Hubble Expansion and a bunch of highly complex metric systems reaffirming that the universe is - by all accounts and measures - expanding. Things got interesting when scientists discovered what they called ‘Dark Energy’. It actually changed the game and forced a change of perspectives. Dark energy acts like a repulsive force, accelerating expansion. But its true nature… remains unknown. Taken on its face value as just a constant of a property of space… the universe’s expansion will go on indefinitely. However, if this dark energy weakens or even flips its repulsive forces— it will end up allowing gravity to dominate and pull everything back in. The basic laws of thermodynamics and entropy tells us that any Matter, doesn’t matter which kind of matter lolll — specially in a state of expansion, will always ultimately end up with a tendency to return toward a higher-density…. meaning whatever expands… can not expand infinitely. Sooner or later… it crosses the threshold between eternal expansion and eventual collapse. This principle applies to the Universe too and through that lens we can already guess the sequence of events that might occur when our universe crosses that threshold. The expansion decelerates…. reaching a turnaround point… giving way to a gravitational collapse or in simple terms “reversal of time”.

I think that is my greatest perhaps. My greatest hope. The deepest of wishes. Eons from now…. whensoever it might be when at some point when the expansion of the universe will slow down…. stop,,,, then begins to contract… I wish and hope and pray that the…. arrow of time does in fact, follows the mandate of physics and reverses itself. I sooooo wish that Entropy…. the great harbinger of decay and disorder, begins to unwind…. So I can finally un-see, un-say and un-live, times that I’ve seen, said or lived through. I wish to see cause yielding to effect in reverse. Ripples returning to the stones un-thrown. Broken vases reassemble… broken promises unsaid, unthought of… re-sealed with sincerity of an un-daring silence. Heavy hearts unburdened… Regret undoing intention…. Memories dissolving backwards into unspoken thoughts…. History getting re-re-written from end to origins…. tears re-entering eyes unshed, emotion turning into cold indifference…. decay rethreading itself into a shiny purpose. Joys re-lived…. Losses undone. Scars folding into skin, wounds getting uncut, pain unfelt. Questions un-asked... the breath that carried them drawn back in, swallowed by a mind that never wondered…. Wrong answers unpicked. Un-uttered. Everything…. Every single thing that has ever happened on the way out… for it to happen all over again, but backwards and in reverse… with a blissful expectation about what will come next… as I experience the story backwards. I’d have lived ‘a’ life the first time around, sure…. But I suspect it’ll really be understood upon replay.

pahhlajs..as... I am talking rubbish again... I don’t wanna write any more of it. That train of thought at least. It worries me. Saddens me more. Luckily though, I can grab onto a much happier… care-free thread of this reversed reality instead. I imagine living life in reverse with you… when I return back home from a work trip I haven’t yet left for. You and I…. un-eat our dinner…. our empty forks becoming full…. Tipping back down into our plates. … Your smile goes and comes…. as I look at you. I sit there thinking… “.with love in fallen already haven’t I that become could you nothing is there…. reality of version any in, worlds different hundred a In .reality reversed faltered-time ,collapsed-gravity a in you choose I’d”