Hotchpotch

Wherever I go

Author: Zavair

---

Status Update

The meeting with Breytenbachs went really well. Mind you, it wasn’t like I already had a spring well of previous such meetings to compare this one with. But all things considered, I’d still call it a productive one. As I mentioned before, the main purpose for me to visit in person was to sit down with the ‘top brass’ of the firm and discuss ways to expedite the current application process. And again, I’m saying that it was a really good meeting because of the way they handled it. It was a lot like a litmus test from me to see the kind of decision trees these guys could come up with, if at all. I was prepared for two very simple outcomes for the meeting. I knew that they’d both be presented favourably to me but I guess I wanted to see how they would respond and consequently approach said expedition. The two outcomes I had in mind were:

• We always aim to get the fastest results for our clients. Rest assured, we will make your case a high priority.
• Yes, we can definitely help and look at a few different approaches to get things moving a lot faster than the expected timeframes.

Suffice to say, their response seems a lot more promising to me than either of the ones I was anticipating. They bounced a few ideas off of each other… did the lawyer talk and suggested that I either touch base with them again on Monday through a zoom call or an in person appointment. See that gives me confidence in how they work. They wanna do their homework, make their phone calls and then give me a concrete timeframe. Because that’s what I asked them plainly. I asked them what it would take for them to pool all their resources/join heads and figure out ways to chop the timeframe from 8-10 months to literally as soon as it can be done. And now that they’ve had that chat with me, just the fact that they didn’t just try to placate me or overpromise as many in this industry are infamous for. One thing that became yet more obvious than it already was, was the fact that the approximate timeframe of 8-10 months is already with ‘De Morgans’ context maxed out and the worst-possible outcome. Keeping that in view, and their determination to explore all available avenues to actually deliver is one of the main reasons why I called it a meeting gone really well’. Had it not been the case then I would’ve already picked up on it… and I’d be writing this letter in a slightly less upbeat tone lol.. Not because of any selfish reasons… and I really want u to know that, God forbid… if this starts to look like something that may end up taking 8 or 10 or even more months than I will be the first one to tell u because… it matters to me when you say things like ‘I’m on a body clock’ etc.. I can understand and respect that. Moreover and for me personally, I just think that I already care about u too much to faff around… erm faf around with one ‘f’? Whichever one it is - you know what I mean lol.

Hotchpotch

Right… what else. How am I doing, maybe? I don't like how I'm feeling since yesterday. I don't know why I'm feeling, how I'm feeling since yesterday. It's crazy how physically I can feel this feeling. I feel it in my skin... and my throat. I haven't even met u yet. I wonder where other people hold their feelings. I know they hold the happy feelings in their cheeks when they turn all apple-like.. or the angry feelings are held in the chest or stomach maybe...hmhhh... I've lost my train my thought. Anyway yeah… that’s been my state. Its such a conflicting position to be in. There’s this irredeemable selfishness to how intensely I wanna miss u lolll but then I have to snap myself back into ‘the world’ of managing expectations. It certainly doesn’t help when I have your name plastered all over the 20 odd websites and applications and softwares that I’ve developed lolll Oh and with plastered I mean… they’re very discreetly placed and almost invisible to someone who’s not looking for it. I mean the AI support helper and one of the smart contracts deployer for our public network is named HAL *smh Obviously all of this was done ages before I even knew you existed but I’m just saying there’s no escaping you for the entirety of the day. Living in a day now almost feels like living through a memory of a day thats slowly fading away lol Mornings are optimist, noons are realist, evenings are cynical and the after-hours insomnia is very... self-reflecting and often defeatist loll Occasionally a rogue thought slips through and struts down this weak ramp of self-assurance and spews nonsense like 'But you didn't even try.' Or 'You can't disqualify hope without having lost it completely first'. lolll

I don't know what I am talking about. I can't write it right. No wonder I despise English sometimes. Urdu is so much better. English can really leave you feeling “unspent” at times if it makes sense. Like there's always something left in the tank that should have been... utilised or used up in its entirety to give you the satisfaction of having said something absolutely perfectly. I was thinking about it earlier today too… when I wondered if how I feel, qualifies as the typical “missing you”. Remember the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis… Colour blue and all… yeah the same thing. Regardless it was the words “miss you” or rather “miss” or “missed”. Strange word… cuz missed can also be used for like, missed a bus... or missed a flight. The impact is astounding, relatively speaking when we take the two contexts into consideration. People should use a better word for this feeling. It shouldn't be a replaceable.... meh -- I'll just catch another one -- kinda word, you know what I mean. Yearned maybe? No, that's... too... shakesperean and plain weird loll Shouldnt we be using something unassuming but potent still. Longed? Maybe. Does tick a few boxes, no? I longed you. wait nope lol That comes out all wrong. Oh.. its missing a conjunction, ironically too :D -- Let me try again... I longed for you. Yeah, see…I’m telling u the language is all wonky. Why do we have to add a conjunction to make sense of that. It needed an explicit “for”, for it to work. On the other hand, ” I missed you” doesn't need a conjunction, or a clarification as to what it's being directed at. Ahhh waittttt! Ok.... Never mind! It kinda makes sense tbh. Whoever came up with this word... was wise enough to recognise the difference between I missed THE bus, or I missed THE flight... and a simple — I missed you. It’s like a nod to an unspoken rule that the only time you're allowed to ignore specifying who or what you're talking about and… forget about conjunctions is when you say 'I missed you'. Someone you can forego all grammar, explication and structure for…. Because none of that should really matter in the face of this arrogant supposition that each time we don't specify who exactly is being missed is also when we precisely want the person being missed to know that its only ever just them who deserve that exception - I take it back. I like English. lol