Fears

spiral

Author: Woman

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While you were lying there, haunted by the thought of me walking away…I was lying here, wondering if you already had 😭

Yes, I ended the call first not out of anger, but because I was aching.

I couldn’t bear the quiet between us that night, the quiet that usually felt so warm but now uncertain.

I laid in bed with a weight in my chest, wishing for you, missing you, craving any little sign that I still live in your world the way you live in mine. Hoping despite me saying carry on, you'd still call at midnight and when you didn't, I couldn't sleep all night then when I realised there was no good morning my overthinking mind gave me a migraine.

The truth is , I want more of you. And not because I’m ungrateful for what you give, but because I’ve tasted what it's like to be known by you…

You speak of infinities… And the truth is, I crave ours. Especially the small moments that make our infinity feel real. The letters you write with that fierce, poetic heart. The sleepy videos that melt me. The quiet confessions, the teasing, the “just checking in" voicenote messages that remind me I matter, that we matter.

I carry all of them like constellations across time. And maybe that’s the thing about infinities: they’re not measured in years or certainty, but in presence. In care. In choice.

And yes, I asked for the list to be completed, not to be a chore or an obligation, but because I want to be seen, cherished, and remembered even on your most crowded days.

Because I know I deserve to be a priority. But I do not intend to add pressure. I want to be your rock too, and I know you want to give me everything, but sometimes what I need most is simply you. Please know, my version of forever begins in the simplest of your everydays, because I'm now addicted!

I called earlier because I didn’t want silence to win, I didn’t want fears to grow where love could speak instead.

Although you did not answer, I’m glad you heard me. I cried reading your letters (tears of joy) and then felt this fuzzy warmth encompass my being after seeing the bench picture. Your added illustrations, made me melt. I just wanted to step into that image and embrace you. Be held by you all over again.

I’m still here. Still wanting us. Even in the ache. Even in the wait. Let’s not ever spiral alone anymore.

Zav, I'm yours, in every version of infinity we get. Let’s build one of presence; wild, imperfect, and breathtakingly ours. ❤️

I'm sorry for cutting the phone and not lingering like I do

I'm sorry