Hello You!

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Author: Zavair

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Before I met you, more often than not... I used to wake up knowing that I felt tired, patinated and antiqued; I felt as though I'd been living a looooong looooong time. Phone was by far the last thing on my mind, let alone this newly developed habit of reaching for the bedside table; eyes closed, face still buried in the pillow, and sending a very dedicated platoon of five wonky soldiers attaced to my hand in search of said phone. Just so I can open my newly favourited (that a word?) app Telegram to see if there's a msg or an onpoint gif or a reaction or even just to re-read some of ur messages again. It could very well be a new redbull substitute for me - I shall report on my findings after Ramadan :D Speaking of Ramadan, can I just say how refreshing and beatiful it was to read your description of suhoor time in your home, MashaAllah... Made me smile and feel all warm inside... I sat in silence for a bit and then sent u the msg on telegram writing exactly what I was thinking in that moment. D'you know as I was reading ur letter I felt this silly and sudden urge to somehow... dissolve into your big beautiful eyes in that intstance :D just so I could see the way they see the world around them... how they are able to extrapolate, construct and form truly profound thoughts from the everyday.... and just so I could see firsthand your courage and your will, your caution and serenity, your acknowledgments and your ability to recognise what truly matters in the end. I see the gratitude so deeply ingrained in you for all that Allah (swt) has bestowed upon you and your family, and I can't help but truly pray from the bottom of my heart, regardless of what the future may hold, that everything about you and everyone around you remains blessed and happy forever and ever :)) Amen.

I'm always second-guessing whether I should sometimes intervene or share an opinion or give my "two pence" as they say about situations and in times where I can see people are either being purposefully disingenuous, or hurtful or perhaps just tussling over mindless things.. Even in the cadet college, specially as the senior batch cadet in the last year, I would see the junior most batch kids throwing tantrums or saying something untowardly to their parents or siblings etc.. and wondered whether I should say something or not. I always decided against it, mostly cuz I never wanna come across preachy but more so because the last thing I want is for people to get all awkward due to my own circumstances. And that's been mildly frustrating too loll.. Cuz I sometimes reallyyyyy reallyyy want to hit home and drill in exactly what you alluded to in your letter. Just the sheer amount of times, I've felt utterly helpless for not being able to make people see what they already are or may very likely come to miss sooner or later in their lives. I've lways kinda refrained from talking about it and been just keeping it simmering inside, no matter how much I wanna try and tell that to people. Weirdly analogous, but a book I once read ended with a very eerie line that's stayed with me ever since. A historical fiction as narrated by Death itself ended with a line that read "I am haunted by humans".

There you go... yet another tangent :D I wanted to write a brief letter explaining what I'll be getting upto for the rest of the day etc... But I guess having read your letter again, I just thought I should tell you how deeply joyful it is to see that someone you care about gets IT... and appreciates and cherishes every moment with gratitude. It makes it a thousand times better for it to be the month of Ramadan too so Alhamdulillah indeed :)) I think what compounds all of those suppressed feelings about people not appreciating the little immediate things in life is also perhaps due to the stubboooooorn issue I've been trying to tackle for however many days now. Why so? If you're wondering.... let me explain then..

See when an everyday user of a computer programme interacts with it, he/she usually deals with tabs and buttons and clicks and crosses to close things and pluses to enhance it etc etc. Take your phone browser for example, if you're on a webpage and if you wish to close it, with something running in the background it will simple ask u "are you sure?" or something to the effect of "This will de deleted" or "Please save your work before closing" etc etc. And those messages are catered for the end-users. But when you are dealing with writing algorithms or logic for "under-the-engine" stuff for any programme, web app etc... You do so in sandboxed environments, or IDEs, or simply in Terminals. The black/white boxes with green text and commands etc. You input your commands into your terminal and work your way through the stack. There are no visible cues like windows, or buttons etc generally speaking. So while I've been trying to get this issue resolved, each time my chosen path to the solution doesn't work.... I've had to restart the process. But everytime I wish to restart I get this bright, bold, green text flash on the screen that says "Warning: Everything saved will be lost" AND THAT'S JUST IT.... lolll Call it my overthinking or overcooking whatever it is...but how true is that.. WARNING: EVERYTHING SAVED... WILL BE LOST I just can not NOT read too much into it. Just the words alone, carry sooooo much weight and substance within them. Hence the digressions above. *smh

Right then, I'm off to tackle this thing once and for all. I managed to upload a patch that is sorta like band-aid to fix the wallet issue. But I also know that if I don't get to the bottom of it, it might mutate into something a lot more hassling. I'll have to leave really early for Reading tomorrow again... but either way, I'll keep you posted. Oh and I get these blocks of waiting time during uploads/compilations etc in which I can get our receipts working properly again, and also get to uploading the other letters/docs etc for u too iA :D All in all, the short and the long of it = the bottom line = in a nutshell = to sum it all up = the gist of it = the essence = the fundamental point = in simple terms: I'll be thinking of you. :D